Viewing 9 posts - 16 through 24 (of 24 total)
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  • #6899

    B051LjKo
    Participant

    Dolazi pacijent kod doktora…

    Pacijent: Doktore doktore, imate li što protiv kašlja?

    Doktor: Ne, slobodno vi kašljite

    #6900

    Zh0rZh
    Participant

    PC Moments:

    Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

    Female customer: A white one…

    ===============

    Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my diskette out.

    Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?

    Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.

    Tech support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.

    Customer: No, wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on my desk… Sorry…

    ===============

    Tech support: Click on the ‘My Computer’ icon on to the left of the screen.

    Customer: Your left or my left?

    ===============

    Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?

    Male customer: Hello… I can’t print.

    Tech support: Would you click on “start” for me and…

    Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates.

    ===============

    Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says ‘Can’t find printer’. I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it…

    ============== =

    Customer: I have problems printing in red…

    Tech support: Do you have a color printer?

    Custome r: Aaaah………………..thank you.

    ===============

    Tech support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?

    Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

    ===============

    Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore

    Tech support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?

    Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.

    Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

    Customer: OK

    Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?

    Customer: Yes

    Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?

    Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah…that one does work…

    ===============

    Tech support: Your password is the small letter “a” as in apple, a capital letter V as n Victor, the number 7.

    Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

    == =============

    Customer: I can’t get on the Internet.

    Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

    Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.

    Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

    Customer: Five stars

    ===============

    Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?

    Customer: Netscape.

    Tech support: That’s not an anti-virus program.

    Customer: Oh, sorry…Internet Explorer.

    ===============

    Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

    ===============

    Tech support: How may I help you?

    Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.

    Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?

    Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

    ===============

    A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

    Tech support: Are you running it under windows?

    Customer: “No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.”

    ===============

    And last but not least…

    Tech support: “Okay Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter “P” to bring up the Program Manager.”

    Customer: I don’t have a P.

    Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.

    Customer: What do you mean?

    Tech support: “P”…..on your keyboard, Bob.

    Customer: I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

    >>

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    #6901

    Troky
    Keymaster

    Idu cigan i ciganka sa vjencanja. Cigan prestigne ciganku za 10 metara. Okrene se i opsuje ciganki sve po spisku.

    Kaze ciganka:

    – “Ma ne mogu brze da mi jebes i svekrvu!”

    #6902

    Troky
    Keymaster

    Bush u osnovnoj školi

    George Bush otišao u posjet osnovnoj školi. Nakon svojeg govora dao je djeci da ga pitaju što žele. Jedan mali dječak podigne ruku i George ga pita za ime:

    ‘Stanley’, odgovori dječak.

    ‘Što želiš pitati, Stanley?’

    ‘Imam četiri pitanja:’

    ‘Prvo, zašto je SAD napao Irak bez dopuštenja UN?’

    ‘Drugo, zašto ste vi predsjednik kad je Al Gore dobio više glasova?’

    ‘Treće, što se zapravo dogodilo sa Osama Bin Ladenom?’

    ‘Četvrto, zašto smo toliko zabrinuti zbog brakova homoseksualaca kad pola Amerikanaca nema zdravstveno osiguranje?’

    Upravo u tom trenutku zazvoni zvono za odmor. George Bush kaže da će nastaviti nakon odmora. Kad su se vratili s odmora George kaže:

    ‘Gdje smo ono stali? Aha, vrijeme za pitanja. Ima li netko pitanje?’

    Drugi jedan dječak digne ruku. George ga upita za ime.

    ‘Steve’, odgovori dječak.

    ‘Što želiš pitati?’

    ‘Zapravo imam šest pitanja.’

    ‘Prvo, zašto je SAD napao Irak bez dopuštenja UN?’

    ‘Drugo, zašto ste vi predsjednik kad je Al Gore dobio više glasova?’

    ‘Treće, što se zapravo dogodilo sa Osama Bin Ladenom?’

    ‘Četvrto, zašto smo toliko zabrinuti s brakovima homoseksualaca kad pola Amerikanaca nema zdravstveno osiguranje?’

    ‘Peto, zašto je prošlo zvono za odmor zvonilo dvadeset minuta ranije nego obično?’

    ‘I šesto, gdje je nestao Stanley?’

    #6903

    Dakky
    Participant

    In territories controlled by the Palestinian National Authority, DST ends later, which can lead to some confusion. On September 5, 1999, militants were transporting a bomb that they mistakenly thought was set to go off at 5:30 PM Israel Standard Time; it was actually set for 5:30 PM Palestinian Daylight Time, which was an hour ahead. As a result, the bomb went off while the bomb was still being transported, killing the terrorists (and earning them a Darwin Award).[5]

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daylight_saving_time_around_the_world#Israel

    #6904

    RimtuTiTuki
    Participant

    Ukoliko se ne sjecate radnje nekih od vecih djela svjetske knjizevnosti, evo jedan mali podsjetnik … na srpski nacin:

    ROMEO I JULIJA

    Romeo i Julija su zabari iz Verone i oni se smuvaju. Medjutim, matorci su im veoma zajebani i uopste se ne gotive jer rade isti biznis ali su u razlicitim ekipama (kao Verona i Kjevo). Zent im je da ih ne provale i da im ne ukinu kintu, pa se vidjaju tajno. I tako na 50 strana oni kao nesto kriju i kenjaju jedno drugom kako se vole, a ne karaju se. Na kraju, jednom prilikom upadnu u los trip i roknu se.

    ZLOCIN I KAZNA

    Neki student je stalno bez filera jer mora da placa stan, posto je ispusio za mesto u studenjaku. Jednom prilikom je bio u bedaku, pa je uleteo kod neke babe, pune k’o brod na gajbu i overio je. Posle je uleteo u frku sa samim sobom, jer se plasio da ce murija da ga provali. U stvari on i nije bio neki krimos vec picketina, pa se na kraju sam prijavio muriji.

    ILIJADA

    Ta Ilijada traje ko gladna godina. Vodja jedne ekipe mazne ribu od vodje druge ekipe. Onda ovaj prvi, da ne ispadne jajara, skupi ortake i opkoli ih k’o Babo Sarajevo. Ali ovi prvi ga ispuse, onako zestoko, jer su ovi drugi bili do jaja spremni. Onda jedan tip smisli kul foru da zajebu ove druge. Satro, kao boli ih kurac za ribu, vazan im je biznis koji moze da se sjebe zbog nastale frke. Da pokazu da su iskulirali, oni odu i ostave sleper cigara drugoj ekipi u kome su sakrili deo ekipe. Ovi prvi su mislili da su ih sjebali i poceli da slave. Kad su se ponapijali i udrogirali, ovi drugi su izleteli iz slepera i jebali im kevu k’o u Mortal Combatu.

    RAT I MIR

    Pre 200 godina Francuzi krenu na Ruse i dodju do Moskve (kao u Pancer Generalu). Onda je dosla zima i Francuzi se posmrzavaju ko picke i onda se napasu muda Rujama ko zec kelerabe. Knjiga ima soma strana, tu ima i neke ribe, zurke, zvacu nesto, njesra sve vreme.

    PROCES

    Tipa u’vate drotovi bez razloga i karaju ga kroz celu knjigu i na kraju ga sjebu do koske.

    #6905

    RimtuTiTuki
    Participant

    Kako je legenda izbjegao placanje kazne

    http://www.ludnica.us/157-samoubojica.html

    #6906

    RimtuTiTuki
    Participant

    Prvi školski dan u jednoj americkoj srednjoj školi.

    Uciteljica predstavlja novog ucenika Tekara Suzukija iz Japana.

    Pocinje cas i nastavnica ispituje:

    “Sada cemo videti koliko poznajete americku istoriju.

    Ko je rekao ‘Sloboda ili smrt’.”

    Odjednom tišina i samo Suzuki digne ruku:

    “Patrik Henri godine 1775. u Filadelfiji.”

    Učiteljica: “Vrlo dobro Suzuki. A ko je rekao ‘Država je narod i kao takva ne sme nikad umreti’.”

    Suzuki ustane:

    “Abraham Linkoln, 1863. u Vašingtonu.”

    Nastavnica strogo pogleda učenike pa rece:

    “Stidite se. Suzuki je Japanac, a poznaje americku istoriju bolje od vas.”

    Tihi glas s kraja razreda: “Jebite se, posrani Japanci.”

    “Ko je to rekao” – vikne uciteljica.

    Suzuki digne ruku i rece: “General MekArtur, 1942. u Gvadalkanalu i Li Ajakoka 1982. na skupštini akcionara Krajslera, Detroit.”

    Razred je u tišini, samo se iz pozadine cuje: “Puši kurac!”

    Suzuki: “Bil Klinton Moniki Levinski, Ovalni kabinet 1997. u Vašingtonu.”

    Drugi ucenik se prodere: “Suzuki je sranje!”

    Suzuki: “Valentino Rosi u Rio de Žaneiru na moto Grand-pri Brazila 2002.”

    Razred pada u histeriju, uciteljica u nesvest, a na vrata ulazi direktorica škole:

    “U pizdu materinu, još nikad nisam vidjela ovakav haos.”

    Suzuki: “Premijerka Kosor, ministru Šukeru, prilikom predstavljanja državnog rebalansa, Zagreb, 2009.”

    #6907

    RimtuTiTuki
    Participant

    JEDNO OBAVJEŠTENJE!

    KAD VAM JE MAJKA GOVORILA

    DA NE SMIJETE UZIMATI

    BOMBONE

    OD NEPOZNATOG BARBE

    MISLILA JE

    NA OVOG

    ISPOD!

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Viewing 9 posts - 16 through 24 (of 24 total)
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